Some people are ready. Some people think they're ready. Some others are just going with it. And a bunch are just waiting around, stuck in the same loop. That cycle that, you know, distracts you from getting to the root of the problem, but does a damn good job at keeping you repeating the same god damned patterns.
I suppose most people who struggle with substance abuse haven't really decided to dig deep enough and make a true commitment to healing their addiction. The nature of addiction is something far too complex, no wonder; but there are some key things that should give you enough of a pointer to where to truly work your shit out. I recommend a strong dose of humility, because to digest what you are about to read might require a huge dose of being humble and brutally honest with your own self. But feel free to grow defensive and react. Just understand that that might exactly be part of the truth being shared here.
There's the classic notion that addiction is but a lack of self-love. Of course, if you're doing something that is repeatedly harming yourself for an awesome load of pleasure, the reality is that you are still damaging yourself. And if you loved yourself, you wouldn't do that.
We have to go deeper in the rabbit hole.
The dynamic of addiction is actually a desperate call from your own higher self. If you don't believe that stuff, just call it your "better self", that natural drive that we all have for evolving. It is a motion that has one goal: to drive you as far as you have to go to face your own shadows. The darkest pit. That hollowness that you're just so distracted from, given that your mind is just so overloaded with endless thought streams; you can't even ground just about enough to take a good look at the core of your being and evaluate what is actually going on.
So first, you need to acknowledge that you are GOOD; you've become a PRO at thinking and minding just about every possible thing, except the truth that is patiently awaiting within your heart to be expressed.
If that doesn't make sense to you, then let me know just how much you have payed attention to yourself. How much have you figured yourself out? Enough to end the repetitive cycles of torment you inevitably set yourself to over and over? Perhaps not. I haven't myself.
"So David, if I've became so good at keeping myself busy from my own self; why the hell would I do that, if being in touch with myself sounds like the ideal thing to do?"
You might have heard somewhere that our society is sick. You might not like hearing that, thinking that is just a stupid excuse not to make yourself responsible for your own deeds. Well, both of these things are true. But this is because we are actually extremely intelligent. In fact, at a very young age, you were intelligent enough to develop an entire behavioral agenda to better deal with whatever life situation you were living. And although this is very subjective for every individual, we have all shared something in common: at some point, we learned to feel pleasure in suffering.
Say what?!
Think about it. Would you do these things you do, be it procrastinate or shoot up or drink yourself to death; if they didn't provide any kind of pleasure at an unconscious level? Things like guilt and shame and most often, our very inability to handle the painful reality of a traumatic event; they all give us no other choice other than program ourselves to like pain. By understanding the ways you seek pain, the way you put yourself in the same vulnerable or helpless situation, you will start noticing that you have programmed yourself, in some level, to seek that pain, to enjoy that pain.
Funny enough, we often times bring about the same painful situation into our lives over and over again. We end up with the same kind of partner. We experience the same social drama. Why do we do that?
Well, you have programmed yourself to behave like that. That should be already enough a reason. That is the "safe" way to handle things; the way where you know you will be more "able to take it".
There is one reason, however, that I like better.
We repeat the same patterns enough times to, one day - HOPEFULLY - break the spell. With enough repetition and enough driving yourself to misery, you are bound to finally have some a-ha moment where you finally start putting the pieces together. And this is how true, profound change, may start to happen.
If only people could acknowledge the importance of self-investigation, life would be much easier for all of us. But the drive to self-investigate must come up naturally. You must want it. And most people only get there by living their share of pain.
Sometimes, the spell is far too strong
Not only are we attached to the pain that a certain pattern provides us, it is very common for us to become enchanted by our own life story. Your "life situation", the circumstances you won't shut up about every time you vent out with your close friends or your therapist; you are fascinated by it. You are so very attached to it. It's so special to you. So dear to you. It took you so much work to live through it all, and get the whole story ready to share with others. And there are so many emotions involved that it's hard not to feel attached to it. See, this is why so many spiritual trends talk about "living in the now". It's because that truly is where you can make something happen. Is where real change happens, where you can truly get to know who you really are, take a good look at your life and quit all the limiting behavioral patterns that have brought you all the frustration you've ever experienced.
Every life story is different. Some people have more defense mechanisms than others. Some people are more "dense" than others. Some have more limiting creeds; and others are more open and ready to process all the change that needs to happen in order for life to guide you towards true fulfillment. To develop just enough of an "opening" to start a true healing process, one needs to work with a therapist. And/or make a serious commitment towards self-investigation.
Regardless of your life story, these three concepts are extremely important to finally start understanding the nature of your addictive behavior, and/or the way you end up bringing about the same unpleasant situations to your life:
- Difficult experiences made you damn good at escaping from what is really going on deep inside your heart
- You have been conditioned to seek, enjoy and repeat unpleasant and painful patterns
- Understanding how enchanted you are by your own life story and letting go of it is key to finding the truth that lurks deep within your emotional reality
I do hope that was anyhow helpful to any of you. I am no exception to any of the motions I listed here. We are all in the same "school"; this one where we get to be human and go through all this stuff. Cheers.
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