Sometimes, it feels like wanting something is good enough an accomplishment already. We feel so distressed, busy, and disconnected from what really feels meaningful to us; that wanting something is already one hell of a feeling. I feel that most of us have just of sort of "gone along with it" - and we're applying this "carry-on" attitude to just about... everything!
TL;DR (Too Long, Didn't Read) version: How To Want Again
1 - Think about how much of all you've ever wanted... really came from YOU. Too often our wants are rather unauthentic. It's common to be unaware of how others have influenced us. No matter how cooperative human nature can be, self-fulfillment is key to motivation.
2 - Seek a self-empowering attitude and take complete responsibility over yourself.
3 - Understand why life can be challenging.
4 - Acknowledge that it's perfectly O.K to be ambitious!
5 - Achieve freedom by growing detached from your physical reality. Start seeking experiences rather than specific material goals. The material reality is too temporary and unpredictable to rely on. Seek the experience of working at a wonderful job rather than working specifically as a lawyer at ABC Inc. which is the most desired and awesome and recognized company to work for on Earth. Specificity is the ego's way to strengthen itself. When we seek something specific, the ego can become identified with that. You don't want to manifest mental, symbolic idealizations in your life. You want to manifest LIVING experiences that can be felt and lived through.
Of course, we all have these ordinary wants. "I want to eat Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough ice cream today!", "I want a new hair cut", "I want to find a new job"! And these wants are alright, they actually do help in making our lives more dynamic. But anyone who's ever dealt with depression knows that even this level of wanting can be hard to attain. You become... just totally indifferent to all aspects of your life.
But this is not an article only for those who have experienced or are dealing with depression right now. Even people who have never been diagnosed with depression (which are a little hard to find nowadays) can benefit from thinking about this even if for just a moment. How clearly do we know what we want? How much do we want what we really want? And most importantly: why do we want the things we want?
Here's a good way to start your inquiry on "wanting" again: think about how much of your longings are truly yours. How much of the things you wanted were, in fact, attempts to please someone else? Or ways to get validation? A means to be approved by someone? Or to get back at someone?
I know this is very challenging since it is a battle against our own pride to admit we've wanted something because of our parents or some other heavily important, influential figure in our lives. But this is a common human tendency. This can be beneficial. There are people who go into carreer paths that their parents practiclly shoved them into, but who thanks to that have the stability needed to, now, do whatever they'd like. And it can be healthy to want to do good for your loved ones. But sometimes, carrying out a life full of deeds done unauthentically can be very unfulfilling.
You must remember what things you liked to do because they made you happy. Some reflection on this is extremely important in maintaining your sanity. I'm talking everything from simple pleasures to the carreer goals and aspirations you've always had, no matter how fantasious they may sound today.
This is where you need to get real: how much have you limited yourself from doing the things you truly wanted to do? Are you the one limiting yourself, or is it your "life situation" the one at fault?
Once this level of self-transparency and honesty with yourself has been attained, you may come to understand that you were the only one who kept you from doing those things your heart has always longed for. You may get stuck on blaming someone - your parents, your life circumstances, your background, the lack of money you've always had your entire life or the lack of time - and if that's the case, it is time you seek a more self-empowering attitude. That comes with the price of taking up responsibility for all aspects of your life.
Yes, I know that it might sound insane to pretend that we are not victims of circumstance. Some scenarios, such as the way you were raised, among many other examples, are things you just had never had any "control" over. But now you have the chance to become aware of all of your tendencies. You have the chance to be in charge of what happens in your life, as long as you are cultivating awareness. You cannot explain why certain things happen the way they do. But you can begin to acknowledge the personal power that you have in dictating the things you wish to manifest in your life. This is already a big step. It is no guarantee that you'll attract any of it. But it is a must in developing the attitude that is required to make things happen. To want things, and go after them. To work on your wants.
Take yourself seriously enough to make life worth living! Most spiritual teachers will disagree, preaching that we must acknowledge that life is already a worthy living experience as it is, and that finding meaning in life is but a matter of consciouness and awareness; that it takes but a shift in perception. I do agree with them, but commitment and seriousness are necessary to do your life's true work. Things will only feel like they're natural and fluid and manifesting magically in your life once you've decided to commit yourself to the doing the work that fulfills your heart. The work that resonates with your being. Living is tough, but once you accept how difficult life is, it becomes easy.
It's a weird contradiction. My theory is that we are supposed to live in order to evolve in many ways. When we are determined to endure life's challenges, that allows for an until unknown inner strength to arise. Once this personal power is manifested, most things become a piece of cake. All thanks to this newfound strength!
So, do you want to grow? For that, you will have to live. And what good is life if you don't have any longings? It's okay to be ambitious! It's okay to strive for improvement! Some masters defend that wanting is what keeps us from experiencing inner peace. That detachment is key to enlightenment. In our quest, one must be careful not to damn himself over perfectionism and greed.This is partially true. But I believe the only way to truly carry your heart's truest desire is by being aligned and in touch with your heart. The only way to be in touch with yourself is by being "present". And this state of presence naturally brings a sense of freedom.
Freedom is true detachment. It is not the abdication of all material belongings or professional ambitions. It is the ability to understand that life has plenty of symbols and material experiences which we have to deal with in order to channel into this world our heart's desires. They are means through which we can fulfill our spiritual mission. You can be an atheist as far as I care. Everyone has a "call", something (sometimes, a lot of things) that gets them going. If you can stay connected to that, the pursuit of truly fulfilling goals and their completion will be passionately sought after.
Everything in the material reality is temporary. But experience lasts. To truly experience life is to make it worth living. For the spiritually inclined, that can have a much deeper meaning. To the skeptic atheist, experience, purpose and meaning should be the very things that won't make life a complete waste of time. People, jobs, relationships, goods, these can all change in an instant.
But purpose lasts. And the quest for self-fulfillment is an ongoing thing. It is not time bound. It's experiential. Time to get off the limbo and achieve real bliss!
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